This post is really personal, but I hope you understand why I share it. It is about my attitude and it is about learning how to work through it when there are some obstacles. If you hate long personal stories, please read just the summary.

Summary: Experience is a personal choice. There is no reason that testing obstacles have to bring you down. Approach them with optimism and rely on others and you'll make it through.


I've had a crappy attitude about the holidays this year. I even told my Mom I wanted to check it off the task list and just put it behind me. I felt justified for the following reasons, but I realized those reasons were just me being afraid. I'm going to enjoy this season to the fullest!

My Fears

1. I'm being laid off so money isn't so certain.
2. I've canceled my trip to Peru to see Machu Picchu, on my life's to do list.
3. My Mom had a heart attack this year and yet I'm not spending xmas with her.
4. My Dad's dementia is so bad that he asked me not to send him a gift because it confuses him. He just wants a card.
5. My Sister's MS is worse than ever and she's had to get a handicapped parking permit and a cane.
6. Craig's Mom has Leukemia and is worn out.
7. I am behind in all tasks and hurting because I got the flu and after that shingles which is agonizing!
8. Because I'm normally in nerve pain I didn't realize how bad the nerve pain was, so I waited too long to get help and really suffered more than was needed with it.
9. Another year is ending and I don't feel like celebrating that I have no children of my own and so I fill up stockings for my cats and sing them carols.

The Truth

1. I have warning, a financial cushion and time to find a wonderful new job.
2. I will travel to at least three different places this year starting with Portland next week to see family.
3. My Mom is healthy and cooking dinner for us on Sunday. I get to see her often as she lives near.
4. My Dad still knows who I am and I get to remind him of the time he took me down the Pacific Coast on his motorcycle.
5. My sister is going to 3 plays with me. If we hate our seating we're getting priority spaces! She's been struggling and now she will get some help so she can enjoy fun things with family and friends.
6. Craig's Mom is going to celebrate with us! We can take her out to see lights and cheer her. We got her a present she'll love.
7. I'm healthier now and appreciate not being in pain. Next time I'll get help sooner if needed.
8. I love my home, my cats, and I have a partner who adores me in a stable relationship with trust and true affection.
9. I have dear friends who care about me and even knowing my faults still want to be my friend. I may not have what is traditionally considered my own family, but families you choose still matter.

Yesterday I was a bit sad as I went to our team potluck. When I started at Adobe there were huge fancy holiday parties where everyone got dressed up and they were very swanky. I believe 2001 was the last year of that.Then they would give out an annual holiday gift and we had a "site party" which would be still located on site. This year we decorated a bit with some lights that belonged to a coworker who is no longer with the company and the meal was fantastic, mostly a potluck. I enjoyed it, but as I went it was hard knowing that after a decade this was my last year. I tried not to think about saying goodbye, but this was the last time. I'm sentimental and this isn't just saying goodbye to 2009, it is wrapping up a large part of my life. It is trying to do so with dignity and style that I may approach the New Year feeling ready and excited.

What are the holiday gifts about? Winter Solstice has brought about human celebration rituals for all of known human history. In the shortest darkest months all rituals have in common gathering together,feasting, and light. The symbolic meaning of all of these rituals is to say several common things.

• We will make it through this dark winter and survive together.
• I am here to comfort, protect, and keep you warm.
•  We will consume, celebrate, burn and light, reflect, and renew together.
• We will sing, dance, and remember this time, for in the darkest night we are surviving to begin anew

This time of year is really about saying goodbye to 2009. I think if I can say goodbye with some grace I can welcome 2010 with hopeful enthusiasm. Let's wrap this year up like a gift. It can be tolerated or it can be celebrated. The choice is ours.